WELCOME!

As I am re-activating myself in the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-Day Saints, I wanted to share my thoughts, feelings, stumbles, developments and understandings.
I was born into the church, baptized at age 8 and went on to Young Womens, Relief Society and YSA (Young Single Adults).
And because of a few different reasons I let myself fall away from the Gospel. I got married outside the Temple and made decisions I'm not proud of.
But now I am starting a journey back... This blog is the beginning of my new story.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

The question is...

Do I have the mental capacity to be able to walk in through those doors, smile when said hello too and answer "I'm good" when asked how I am?

I'm not good. I feel horrible. And I don't want to smile, I want to scream and yell and cry.

If I walk in there and pretend everything is alright I am letting myself become what my husband hates do much. A hypocrite.

You see, I told him about 1/2 an hour ago that he doesn't have to be fake at church, people shouldn't come to church pretending they are all peachy perfect. That's not what it is for.
I read a really great quote the other day "church is not a museum for the perfect, it is a hospital for the broken."

That's what I was trying to get Chris to understand; we should go there when we least want too because that's when we get the most help.
Obviously, I'm not the best at explaining myself in the moment as he didn't get what I was trying to say.

But my immediate dilemma is: if I go in there and pretend, I'm doing exactly what I told him he shouldn't have to do.

Posted by at

2 comments:

  1. Adam and Elissa5:11 PM, May 06, 2012

    OK I know you wrote this ages ago but I feel behind in my reading, and I used to follow your link from your other BLOG and you no longer write that BLOG.

    I regularly walk into church smiling outside but not internally. Many reasons - I don't want to burden people with what has got me down (it always sounds so petty when said out loud).

    I also don't have many people there that I feel I can really let down the barriers with - so I keep that stuff for the people that I know really care. This isn't saying anything about them - they are lovely people (who also carry their own internal unhappy faces) just not my confidants.

    Also - quite often by the end of church I am smiling both internally and externally.

    It's not being a hypocrite it is just choosing who to share with.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AYS12:25 AM, May 14, 2012

      Very true... I think I was just really having a hormonal day that day haha.

      But it's true that we have few people that we confide in, and it isn't a poor reflection on others, just personalities I guess.

      Sorry about my other blog... just lost my mojo for the goal thingy and found my self complaining more than anything really so thought I should focus on the positive!

      I didn't see you today, but I wanted to say bye physically, but we'll keep this up digitally :D xx

      Delete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)