What is enough?

Some people manage to do their callings with so much enthusiasm, devotion and creativity! Those people are shining examples of going above and beyond expectation.

I want to be able to be like that, I do... But I think I put too much pressure on myself to do it.

I teach Primary, little kids. Specifically I have the kids turning 6 this year. There's a lot!
I guess because these kids are so impressionable, I'm worried.
Worried that I might say the wrong thing, neglect to say the right thing, etc. I mean you try to have fun with them and make it interesting for them but it's hard. How do you keep kids interested week in and week out?

I feel I'm putting more pressure on myself because one of the kids mum's are now my assistant. I really appreciate the help, I do, but I feel like I could cause problems if I say or do the wrong thing with her kid.

At the end of the day though, indeed to stop putting these pressures on myself, I need to stop worrying about perception and just do. Do my calling. As long as I am doing what I can with the Lord's help, that is enough.

The question is...

Do I have the mental capacity to be able to walk in through those doors, smile when said hello too and answer "I'm good" when asked how I am?

I'm not good. I feel horrible. And I don't want to smile, I want to scream and yell and cry.

If I walk in there and pretend everything is alright I am letting myself become what my husband hates do much. A hypocrite.

You see, I told him about 1/2 an hour ago that he doesn't have to be fake at church, people shouldn't come to church pretending they are all peachy perfect. That's not what it is for.
I read a really great quote the other day "church is not a museum for the perfect, it is a hospital for the broken."

That's what I was trying to get Chris to understand; we should go there when we least want too because that's when we get the most help.
Obviously, I'm not the best at explaining myself in the moment as he didn't get what I was trying to say.

But my immediate dilemma is: if I go in there and pretend, I'm doing exactly what I told him he shouldn't have to do.

DPCON12

I know I've really neglected this blog recently, and I'm sorry. I guess I was just waiting for life to fall into place!
Guess what? That is not going to happen!

This past weekend really helped me to see that. I went to Melbourne with 2 of my sisters. It coincided with a blogging conference and the youngest sister's 18th birthday last week or so.

Experience #1: Delayed Plane
This will forever be a new saying for us and it means "God just blessed me and I'm grateful for his help" or "He just touched our lives and we are recognising his hand".
What happened was we were running pretty fine on time, in fact my older sister and I got to watch the train to take us to the airport chuff away as we ran down the stairs onto the platform.
We immediately all prayed silently that if we were to go on this trip we would make it.
We caught the next train, did alot of power walking and jogging, and when we got go the airport and our gate... our plane had been delayed!
Thank you Heavenly Father!!!!

The saying makes sense now hey?

The entire weekend we had delayed plane moments, such as delayed busses, taxi's driving past at perfect moments, no charge on lost cards, my little sister not being abducted when I left her alone, stumbling upon the best markets ever, having enough money to last, sales and discounts, not getting blisters from insane amounts of walking, not getting sunburnt, being escorted through construction safely, night walking and bring kept safe, going till 3pm on no food and not fainting or feeling fatigued or hungry, people holding lifts for us, the list is endless...

Experience #2: Bee Yourself
I know President Gordon B Hinckley taught this years ago but it's meaning just hit me this past Friday.
The blogging conference we went to was both eye-opening and eye-closing. It was, well, Boring! B O R I N G!
It started with using social media for good, like working with charities etc, and that was good, so was my sister when she spoke on her blog being a gateway for her book.
But most of it was crap. There was no defining information, or impactual differences in people's stories. Most people just seemed to be clones of each other - mummy bloggers focused on the $$$$ and drinking...
I was ashamed to be considered in the same group as them with the way they behaved this year to PR reps about sometimes working for free and of last year, again to the PR reps about no swearing on your blog.

Furthermore, I approached one blogger (she is the lead in Aus for our industry) and had a very brief conversation with her as she palmed me off to talk to my older sister. Granted my sister is a blogging celebrity (seriously, it was weird seeing people react how they did...) but she didn't even make up some excuse or anything, just fobbed me off. It was clear I had nothing to offer her and she was uninterested in me because of it.

After that it became VERY clear to me that I have got to stop, take a deep breath, and make a change.
I have to change the way I see myself.
I'm not going to try to impress them (Aussie bigger bloggers) or whatever. After this weekend I don't care for them. I am going to blog how I want to blog, write what I want to write and be who I want to be.
Bee Yourself... Have the confidence in yourself, what you do and what you believe to make your life happy. Others won't bring you that happiness.

Experience #3: Free Agency means I have the choice to prepare or to fail
It's in no one else's hands but my own, and whilst we were shopping on Saturday, Heavenly Father decided to remind me of that with my living example of a sister.
We found this one stall at the markets with story chain necklaces. One charm read "luck is when opportunity meets preparation"
It rang true of my sister who had been preparing for all options and circumstances so when a chance presents itself, she can take it. One potential business opportunity (which we also believe God planted in our path) was literally the market stall 2 down from this one!!!!
Things aren't working how I want right now because I'm not preparing myself for them to work. So I need to stop procrastinating and get moving!

Big weekend with big lessons!!!